Wednesday, September 21, 2005

The Long-Overdue Explosion

For six months now I've been putting up with the horribly noisy family upstairs, which consists of (apparently) one mother, one father, and two demons from hell. Oh, they may look like small children, but I'm not buying it. These two monsters can make more noise than an elementary school during recess. And they never sleep. I mean, never. I've heard them banging around at 3:00 a.m., for crying out loud. Screaming, bouncing things on the floor, overturning the tables, murder (well, that's what it sounds like), all with no regard for the neighbors.

So last night I'm just sitting on the couch reading a book, about 11:00 p.m., thinking it's about time to hit the sack. Suddenly, an air raid siren went off. No, wait - it's the "children" upstairs, screaming at the top of their lungs out the living room window. I suffer it for a few minutes, and then the overturning of tables begins. FUCK! Excuse my language, but I've just had it. Really, truly had it. I was in my Victoria's Secret nightshirt (nothing sexy, purely functional and decent), but I didn't care. I grabbed my keys and headed to the 5th floor.

I rang the bell fiercely, and the door was opened by what looked like a toddler maybe two years old (you're not fooling me, I know you're a demon). Then another one a little older appeared. I glared at them while asking in Chinese, "Are your parents home?" Then a man popped his face around the corner, and I started in on him. Since I've spent months practicing what I'd say to these idiots when I finally popped, I had no trouble expressing in Chinese, "Your children are extremely noisy. Every evening they're yelling loudly and banging on the floor - I can't stand it!" I think the guy was a little bit freaked out to find a wild-eyed, crazed foreign woman at his door scolding him in Chinese. He kept saying, "Sorry, sorry!" while I ranted. Finally, I just said, "thank you," and departed. It was immediately quiet, not another sound from upstairs, and I was able to go to sleep before midnight for a change.

This evening I went out at 6:00 to toss my trash into the trash truck when it came by, and when I got back to the front of the apartment, the mom and the demons were outside on the steps. Mom was talking on the phone and ignored me, but the demons were staring at me in terror. I resisted the urge to bare my teeth at them and hiss. This evening has been remarkably tranquil, with only some normal sounds coming from above. I wonder how long this will last..... If I have to go up there again, I'm going to really scare the pants off 'em by wearing my custom-made vampire teeth!


aetherwellen said...

Ni tai lihai!! :D I hope things stay nice and quiet in your building.

Romita said...

You are F-in' hilarious. You go Marla. Your Chinese must be awesome. Teach me please.